The year 2009 has included several historical landmarks ranging from the inauguration of our first black president to the 40th anniversary of the United States landing on the moon to the Hall of fame induction of Michael Jordan to the memorialization of Michael Jackson. And yet, we as society have still managed to carelessly neglect one of the most prolific landmarks of our time. I speak of the tenth anniversary of Yoplait's snack sensation, Gogurt.
Never have we seen such a moronic concept turn into an international phenomenon. What should have been a parent's nightmare has drastically turned into a child's savior. With its downright senseless layout, its utterly dangerous advertising strategy, and its contorted consistency, Gogurt appeared headed for a swift and inevitable decimation. But Yoplait, through all its determination, turned it into the most aesthetically attractive and notoriously nourishing yogurt on the planet.
Allow me to outline just why this extraordinary product line ought to have, for all intents and purposes, failed.
First of all, we need to examine the general idea that General Mills had when they created this product. It just baffles me to imagine the thought process behind such a unique product. I often envision a knock down, drag out board meeting with sophisticated professionals dressed sharply in formal attire. I like to think one of these very executives was a somewhat paranoid mother who had recently made a frantic call to poison control because her small child had recently consumed an inordinate amount of toothpaste mistaking it for an edible entity. While briefly sharing the anecdote with the confounded council, she offered a trivially tragic attempt at a joke that went something like this: "I sure wish our Yoplait yogurt was in that moderately unsanitary plastic tube." It was then that her discouraged disciples perked up and announced their intent to make her humiliating humor into a gluttonous reality.
I recently decided that this is the only logical explanation I will accept for Yoplait's initiation of putting yogurt, a spoil-some and rich dairy creation, into a long plastic tube. This, to me, borders on revolutionary. The beautiful thing about it is that it worked. It took out the need for the most tedious aspect of the yogurt eating process, the spoon. It amazes me that one of the most radical ideas in modern existence (up there with bagged milk, which made for some unforgiving indigestion throughout my early education years) has become a staple in snacking society.
Also, the very basis of their advertising campaign is preposterous. It not only portrays their product as ideal for consuming "on-the-go," but through several print, television, and product illustrations they display and encourage the digestion of their relatively thick, inscrutably textured dairy product during vigorous physical activity. Here is a list of activities the pretentiously contemporary Gogurt cartoon character is participating in while holding not one but two open Gogurt tubes:
Playing Soccer- I couldn't dribble the ball for five seconds as a kid. I also couldn't efficiently eat yogurt out of a tube. There is no way I could do both.
Riding a Scooter- First things first. The scooter fad was short-lived and is long gone. So, not only is this impractical, but it is ineffective.
Riding a Bike- I rather enjoy this illustration because they were sure to send a strict safety message to the impressionable children they advertise for by showing a helmet on the cartoon character. Little did they realize that their diplomatic display is all but negated by the two tubes of Gogurt the child is holding while navigating his bicycle that's front wheel is shown turning unstably to the right.
Roller Blading- Because nothing helps an undeveloped child balance like two open tubes of grimy Gogurt.
Skateboarding- I've watched ten X-Games competitions and not once have the professional role model skaters pulled out a tube of yogurt in mid air to stay nourished.
Hockey- This is one of the grittiest and toughest sports on the planet, and Gogurt has marginalized it by showing their disproportional animated representative eating a quaint and fruity snack out of a colorful and optimistic tube.
Snowboarding- Chances are if you try this one you'll be wearing the Gogurt.
My final point as to why Gogurt should have failed is when they entered the endorsement world of professional sports they went to one of the most irrelevant athletes in the world. You would think this extreme, active snack would choose one of the above mentioned sports to expand their name. Instead, they drifted to the most ridiculous sport around, Nascar. That's right, did you know Gogurt was featured on a car for one Nascar race? I didn't think so. Maybe that's because they sponsored Bobby Labonte's car. Do you know who Bobby Labonte is? Exactly. He raced the car in the 2006 Coca-Cola 600. For some reason I get the impression that their target audience of active elementary schoolers weren't watching the Coca-Cola 600. And if, for some ungodly reason they were, they probably didn't notice and were not enlightened by the Gogurt logo on Labonte's Dodge. This may be due to the fact that the children watching didn't care, or it might have something to do with the fact that the mediocre Labonte finished a fitting 17th place and likely saw little airtime en route to his passable performance.
The evolution of Gogurt has been inquisitive at best, but through a variety of luscious flavors and numerous relevant promotions (including a Scooby Doo edition that was called "Rogurt") Yoplait has prevailed in a constantly amended munching world. So, today I commemorate the makers of Gogurt. For ten years ago you implemented the wonders of innovation and today you are legends.
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