CNN Headline News offers a variety of entertaining and informative talk programs ranging from the ever so intense Nancy Grace to the ever so irrelevant Showbiz Tonight. What I write to talk about is a different show, one that is simple in nature but complex in structure. The show is called "Issues," a fundamental title that leaves no question as to what its motif is. A qualified and outspoken journalist speaks out on selected societal issues.
The basic principles and overall idea of this show disgruntle me. It isn't so much the show as the person hosting it. Meet Jane Velez-Mitchell, a recovered alcoholic, open homosexual, and active vegan that rose to reporting prominence during her coverage of the Michael Jackson child abuse trial. I have two questions for the executive staff of CNN Headline News. Can you find a better person for this job? And if not, Can she find better hair for her head?
Yes, CNN, the real "issue" in society is Velez-Mitchell's hair. It is confusing, revolting, and painstaking. It is wayward, distracting, and suffocating. When viewing the show, I have a tendency to miss the main concepts and topics discussed on the show as well as the general message anyone on or involved in the show intends to get across because I am too busy trying to figure out what is on Jane Velez-Mitchell's head. You could give me a compass, a Garmin, and Ponce de Leon, and I still wouldn't be able to figure out which way her hair is supposed to fall. The first seven times I saw this show on TV I thought it was a Saturday Night Live skit. I would actually be a few hearty chuckles in before I realized that this lady is being serious and that her hair is SUPPOSED to look like an inglorious combination of Joe Dirt and Halle Berry. There was one time last week, that I flipped by Headline News and saw her talking in passing and almost thought her hair looked good. Whether it did or not is up for debate, but five seconds later when I flipped back to check it was back to looking like hell again.
So what, you may ask, do I suggest CNN do about this? Well, I honestly couldn't tell you exactly. I do know that the hair stylist (that she hopefully doesn't have) that does her hair is a brave, brave individual. However, what needs to be done needs to be done. So no matter what it takes (a machete, weed whacker, assorted kitchen knives, etc.) and how many people (not ruling out casualties with this one), you need to fix her hair and fix it fast.
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