I write to you at halftime of ESPN's coverage of the season opening Oregon at Boise State game. I write to warn potential second half viewers to not view the second half of this football game.
The Oregon offense has amassed an astonishing 14 yards in the first half and a bewildering zero first downs. To put this unsightly performance in perspective for you, the Ducks have lost almost three times more penalty yards then gained offensive yards.
Not only are their stats dreadful, but they look atrocious. Their new offense is about as electric as an Amish stove. Their running game is easier to read than a digital clock. This offense is about as alive as the Cuban Revolution. They look as lost as Ashley Olsen at a Ponderosa. They've scored less than a math major at a sorority party. They are about as organized as a health care reform town hall meeting.
This was embarrassing to watch. That goes without even mentioning they are sporting their not-as-bad-as-last-year-but-still-ugly-as-hell jerseys tonight. Best of luck to the Ducks in the second half because they could capture Osama Bin Laden, turn around the stock market and gain more than fifty yards as a team in the second half, and I would still be embarrassed for them.
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