Friday night I embarked on a journey. I ventured across the winding roads of Route 13 to West Muskingum in search of their most delectable game day dishes. The unpredictability of this voyage was frightening, but its success was legendary. Lance Armstrong conquered the Tour de France with an unforgettable will and a swift bicycle. Christopher Columbus tackled the Atlantic Ocean with a faulty map and a massive ship. And I took on a Friday night in Tornado country with a 2002 Buick LeSabre and a relentless esophagus.
After an unsettling trek to the stadium, I arrived keen to discover the taste of West M. I strolled eagerly into the confines and immediately began sniffing around the concession area. My initial behavior drew several inquisitive looks from an assortment of spectators. I was a Rottweiler outside an Outback Steakhouse. I was a seagull hovering over the Atlantic Ocean. I was Al Roker at a Ponderosa ten years ago. I was carnivorous. I was ravenous. I was ready to go.
I proceeded to meander around the concession area for a while longer before I found the source of West Muskingum’s tasty tailgate. I first spotted a huge Traeger grill. A grill that was so big you could cook enough of three different meats to stock the entire concession stand. When I first saw the grill, I stood in awe of it at one point pausing for a moment of silence in appreciation of it. As I slowly raised my head to see who was operating it, I expected to see several brute men standing and staring at the grill with admirable approval. Instead, I found two assiduous ladies. Michelle Gutridge and Barb Wolfe were adding meat to the grill diligently. I approached them and introduced myself. It was clear that they were in the zone. I made small talk with Michelle. She agreed to allow me to taste some of their unique foods and promptly resumed working. So, I took a step back and observed. What I watched was music in motion. I never thought the smoothest most operative offense I would see this year would be that of the West Muskingum High School Band Boosters. Michelle grilled the dishes to perfection, constantly checking the meat to ensure it was of the highest quality. But it was after the meat was cooked that impressed me the most. Barb Wolfe, a volunteer band mother, would receive a perpetually clean handoff from Gutridge and dart into the concession stand, where Band Booster president Paula Moore would await enthusiastically to prepare it to be served. It was a beautiful thing. Offensive coordinators around the area should take a lesson from these astute women.
Finally, I was given an opportunity to taste the foods. Here they are in order:
8 oz steak on a stick- This was a straight succulent steak cooked medium well on a stick. I was utterly baffled by this. I stood before it and marveled at the immense wonders of innovation. Then, I punctually devoured it. You may ask: ‘did you use A1 sauce?’ No need ladies and gentlemen. This cut of meat is almost as spectacular as the way Michelle Gutridge cooks it.
Pulled Pork Sandwich with apricot barbeque sauce- Gutridge doesn’t mess around with her pulled pork. She began cooking it Thursday night. She smokes it on the grill for an astonishing 18 hours. At first I was skeptical about this. After all, in 18 hours I could make Easy Mac 308 times. I questioned whether it was worth it or not and was instructed to taste for myself. That was before I started thinking about the combination of apricot and barbeque. I felt like I was compromising between a tea party and a hog roast. So, I cautiously went on with it. The results were phenomenal. Eighteen hours and three bites later, I appreciated every second that went into making that pork.
Sweet Potato with Cinnamon Butter- Once again, I was in heaven. It just blows my mind that they would think to bake sweet potatoes at a football game. I ate this so fast I almost didn’t taste it. It was so rich and decadent that it melted in my mouth. I absolutely mauled the poor potato in my hands, utterly disregarding the two forks that they had so thoughtfully provided for me.
I had been eating for four and a half minutes and had already tasted everything. I, also, had developed a considerable amount of intestinal discomfort (not due to the quality of the food, but more or less the manner in which I ate it) and a mild case of heartburn. That’s when Paula Moore suggested that I go to the other side of the stands and try out the Athletic Booster’s rib eye sandwiches. This was a classic example of my head telling me yes and my heart (as well as a host of major organs) telling me no. Naturally, I treaded over to the other side and began blubbering around again.
I found the same massive grill and held another ceremonial moment of silence. This time, however, I found a group of men holding down the grill. I met with Jack Brady, a volunteer Athletic Booster. He presented me with a sandwich. I queasily observed it. It consisted of a large, sebaceous slab of meat doused in yellow nacho cheese. My small intestine was quivering. Needless to say I took one bite and loved it. The meat was gloriously tender, and the cheese just added to its succulence and to my developing digestive disorder. In fact, I don’t recall there being more than one bite. I believe I just kept on trucking right through the whole sandwich.
I arrived in West Muskingum Friday night with a selfish appetite for the finest foods. I left humbled by the people I encountered, and the food I ate. The concession experience in West M is phenomenal. They have it all going for them: tremendous football, tremendous food, and tremendous people. That, to me, is the spirit of Friday night.
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